3 Keys to Create the Connection You Want in Your Relationship (and my story)
3 Keys to Create the Connection You Want in Your Relationship
(and my story)
by Leanne Chesser
I’m curious. What do you see in the images in the collage?
You might say that you see a couple of people who look happy and that it seems they’re having fun in one or two of the pics.
You might say that you see a couple in images that appear to be taken at various points over a few years.
You might think that the couple has created a connection in their relationship.
All those things are true.
But what you don’t see is what came before these images, or the story that led to the significance of them.
I see connection, transformation, intentionality, hard work, and an amazing relationship created out of a surprising story.
So, let me tell you a bit about that story that will also give you the three keys to create the connection in your relationship that you want so badly …
What you may know about me is that I’m an intimacy coach
who helps couples create connection and communication in their relationship so they can go from feeling like disconnected roommates to connected, romantic partners again.
But what you may not know about me is that my partner and I were separated for almost five years after we ended our relationship that was full of conflict, disconnection, and lack of emotional intimacy.
You might notice that I said we were separated for almost five years. So, what happened at that point?
We got back together (and even had a superhero re-wedding, which is another story for another time, but you can see a pic from that day in the collage … hint: it’s the one with my partner dressed as Thor)!
What the heck led to us getting back together?
Well, it started with a lot of individual work on the underlying stuff that had created the conflict.
And then in a deep conversation in the car of all places, we agreed on three things (which are the three keys for how to create connection in your relationship):
The word “intentionally” is also key because when it comes to date nights, it’s actually more about the underlying motivation for having date nights than it is about the actual date night idea itself. Anyway, we’ve continued to do all of those three things and more. You can see some examples of us intentionally creating a deeper connection through date nights in the photos I’ve included in Brandi’s awesome collage template.
And that’s why the collage and these photos are so meaningful to me.
Like I mentioned, the first image is from our superhero re-wedding. After what we had gone through, and after a five-year separation, it didn’t seem possible that we’d be reconnecting!
The other images are from various date nights or family events where we were putting intentional creation of connection into practice.
Aside from the Thor pic (I was supposed to be Sif but it ended up more like a Goth sort-of-Sif), one of my favorites is the one on the bottom in the center.
We were at a local rec room that has a restaurant and a variety of games, including ax throwing. We love game nights, whether it’s a date night at home (which we love the most), a date night out, or a family get-together. So, we had a blast playing, laughing, and trying to hit the bullseye with axes.
We continue to prioritize our connection and we have many other fun and meaningful memories as well.
Through the three agreements that we made in the car when we
got back together, we’ve created a deep connection, authenticity,
and calm, honest communication, and ultimately, a relationship that nourishes us.
We still have disagreements and hard conversations of course. That’s normal. But with the foundations we built, we talk things out, listen, and respond (rather than react). We continue to work on the stuff under the surface that gets in the way. And we have fun constantly connecting with each other and deepening our emotional intimacy.
That’s a major reason why I’m so passionate about helping couples (through practical solutions that actually work). I know the power of healthy communication, emotional connection and authenticity as well as the foundational mindset work underneath it all.
And that’s what I help you do, too … through these exact three keys, which became my 5C System for how to create connection in your relationship.
Us getting back together happened almost ten years ago and including the five-year separation, we’ve been together for 29 years now!
But I still remember the hurt, screaming fights, and hopelessness. I know what it’s like to want a connected relationship but have no idea how to change the disconnection and feeling caught in the shit-loop, feeling like it’ll never end (and it really does feel like a shit-loop).
Working on the underlying mindset issues took years for me to shift, along with learning effective communication about our relationship, and also about intimate desires. I created my 5C system that I now support you with so you can create intimacy, healthy communication, and shift the underlying stuff much more quickly than I did!
I’d love for you to get started with 17 simple ways to connect (or re-connect) as a couple (even if you’re busy). Most of the 17 ways are things that my partner and I have used, too.
See you over there!
Leanne Chesser is a certified intimacy and relationship coach and creator of Connection for Couples and the 5C Framework. She helps couples create connected relationships and build foundations for intimacy, emotionally intelligent communication and sexual authenticity and go from feeling like disconnected roommates to connected, intimate partners again. She believes in creating a ripple effect of emotionally intelligent communication that begins in the relationship between you and your partner and extends out into the world. You can learn more at https://connectionforcouples.com.
Leanne